Is This What Life Is Supposed To Be Like?

07:51 am - Blah

My god, it is june 15th already! Here I am...back at work....no one in their right mind would come to the library at 7:30 am, but yet we are open. At least today is my 'short' day and I only have to work 5 hours. Then I'm going back to Dr. Masserini's house (because that is where we are staying) to get some laundry done. I'm completely out of socks...and basically everything else except for what I'm wearing is dirty. I said I would update more, and this time I really mean it. It only takes 5 minutes to write something down so everyone who reads this (which is probably only like one person, but hey, that one person is still somebody!) knows that I'm alive. The sun has been waking me up around 6 am, so I'm kind of tired these days. I forgot what it was like to have sunlight for over 12 hours of the day. I sleep in a room with lots of windows and I'm really sensitive to the changes in my surroundings when I am sleeping. I'm sure my body will adapt to it like it does every summer, but until then....I need lots of coffee in the mornings to wake me up. I've gone back to drinking flavored coffee. Yummy! I'm not sure why I stopped other than the fact that the brand I like is $12.00 a pound. But, this brand is actually worth it. You know, I still get this weird feeling when I think about a certain situation, and it has been a long time. I never thought of myself as a jealous person, but occassionaly something makes it creep out of me. I don't know why because I have zero control, and I am actually happy for the person, but I guess my subconsious thinks that she isn't going to talk to me anymore. That is just dumb, so I really need to stop worrying/thinking about it. She's my friend and I know that even though sometimes are e-mails are few and far between because of our crazy lives, she still likes me and the thought of that does make me extremely happy. Well, even though I have not seen a single patron, I suppose that I should go back to looking like I am ready to help someone. I only help about 3 people a day on average, and maybe one of those three will walk through the doors any second. Oh, but I must say that I think my new saxophone student is really awesome. She is a graduate student and decided to start playing saxophone to help her relax. My gaydar went off totally, and I do know that she is in a relationship, but she didn't ever say husband or boyfriend. So, I'm exited. Where I live, gay and lesbian people are extremely hard to find. But, I will go now. Everyone, have a nice day!

Current Mood: indifferent

07:21 am - Done!!!!!!

School's out for summer! Yea!!!! I do apologize to everyone whom I have neglected during the past few weeks. I think last week was one of the most stressful weeks of my life. I still have loads of mixed feelings because although I am now officially on summer vacation, it also means that my favorite professor had his going away barbeque last Friday and is currently down in New Mexico looking for a house. I am still very sad and borderline depressed about the fact that 6 professors are leaving the music department. But, I am going to be working 40 hours a week for the next three weeks so that should keep my mind busy. My department needed to use up its student worker hours and I need the money to pay off Pepper's knee surgery. It will kind of suck, but it is only for three weeks. I want to write more, but I have to eat breakfast before I go to work and I only have 35 minutes to get there (and I'm not even dressed). I promise to fill you in on everything N. I miss talking to you.

01:56 pm

Well, I got my piano results back. I got a 94%! Yay for me! I was very happy to see that I did that well considering I literally had to run in the door and play. You see, the construction people have blocked off all the doors except the back one so it takes like 3 times as long to get in the building, plus I was running a little late that morning. No more major tests until the final! School will be over in 3 weeks (finals week doesn't count), so I'm very excited. I have a jazz band concert tonight in our new performing arts center, so that will be lots of fun. I'm gonna go do something now....I'm not really sure what, but I have an hour before my woodwind sectional for wind ensemble so I better make the most of it! (c:

Current Mood: chipper

07:08 am - Early in the morning

I have to drink tea or coffee. I think the hot liquid wakes me up more than the caffine because I used to drink hot chocolate. But anyway, I have saxophone quartet this morning, otherwise I would still be in bed. I read an e-mail from my friend and felt sort of strange after it. I'm not sure why because she's not "mine" but I guess I am slightly jealous of her new-found, and explosive friendship she's made with another girl. Don't get me wrong, because I think that it is great that she had made another friend who might even be a hang-out friend. I guess I'm just worried that she will forget about me because I don't write as often as I would like and as much as she would like me to. I guess I better get my e-mail writing back up to snuff....at least to make me feel better. I have to go get ready for school now. "Quatour por saxophone" by Francaix is calling to me.

09:37 pm - Grrrrr!!!!!

I HATE PIANO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why didn't my parents make me take piano when I was younger? Then I wouldn't be struggling with it now. Oh well. Wish me luck on my test tomorrow morning!

10:23 am - Well, well...

Once again a year has gone by since my last entry. Time seems to be flowing by so fast that I can't even think straight. In the past year I have hurt a good friend, had several deaths in my family, got a civil union in Vermont with partner, Angela, and had to spend about $1000 on ACL surgery for my dog, Pepper. I have had many ups and downs, as most people do in their life, but I'm currently in one of the "downs" because last week I learned that my favorite professor is moving to New Mexico to teach at the University of New Mexico. I have worked very closely with him for the past four years and have gotten to know him better than any other student has. I don't feel like I am just losing a teacher. He's been my friend too, and I have cried in his office almost as much as I have in Dr. Masserini's office. He is only 9 years older than I am so he is really easy to talk to about stuff. That's probably why the rest of the semester seems to be speeding away. I hope to plan some kind of going away party for him or something, but so far I haven't gotten anything done. I didn't place in the scholarship competition on Wednesday even though everyone who has talked to me said that I played more beautifully that night than they had ever heard me. I did totally biff it on a couple of runs, but that happens. The competition occurs every semester, and I am not going to give up. I am not really interested in the money because the top prize is only $350 dollars. I just want the satisfaction of having a really good performance. I know this entry is kind of all over the place. I guess I didn't really know what to say after not saying anything for a year. I plan on writing in here more often since people have been asking me about it.
That's all for now...

06:09 pm - It's only fair....

So, I was told that it is only fair that I have to update my journal, and I suppose that person was right. I do have an account for a reason, so I should use it more than just once every 6 months.

I've been dealing with a lot of stress and depression in the past few months. Since October, I've lost two dogs, my favorite grandma, and my only brother. I said in my last journal that I thought that maybe there was a God, but I'm not so sure now. I'll save the rest of the sob story so as to not write a 300 page entry.

Good news is that I have a new, beautiful custom silver saxophone, three new fish, a new puppy, and a renewed friendship with someone I thought I had lost forever.

School will be done in 6 weeks, and then I'm off to Vermont. I will miss everyone horribly, including Pepper, my new puppy. I am trying to find a pet sitter for him because I know my parents are not going to give him the attention and love he needs while I am away. Besides, I don't want him out in the dirt in the yard for 6 weeks.

I would also like a hit man, so I can kill my neighbor for forcing me to give up my first dog. It's a long story, so I won't go into detail here. (Damn b*tch)

Work is the same...nothing to do, or it's a really boring project. Nobody comes to the library on Sunday's so I don't even help people.

I think that I will go now before I get caught not doing my work. I think that I don't write in here because I don't think anybody reads my journal. Is anyone out there, and did you all remember to *spring* forward?

Current Mood: bored

01:44 pm - Maybe there is a God...

I was driving home from Wal-mart last night after buying an assignment planner, some poster putty, some dividers, batteries, and a binder (which took me an hour to buy because I was doddling so much) when one exit before mine, my right rear passenger tire blew. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me...driving 65 mph and have a tire blow out. The car started swerving, but I just took my foot off the gas until the car slowed enough so that I could control it. Also, I was alone on the highway at the time so I didn't hit any cars. I think someone was watching over me because it just happened to blow out on the passenger side, and I was able to pull over with plenty of room to work on that side of the car, and with a street lamp right over my head. Nobody bothered to stop and help (it was after 11 pm), but I managed to jack the car, and change the tire. Many people have rolled cars or gotten into serious accidents after their tire blew out. It really made me believe that there is at least someone watching out for me.

02:08 pm - A quiz that I took

09:39 am - A quiz

You are a Route Sign (Country Route Marker M1-6).
You know where your going and so does everyone
else. But, to you, the journey is what matters,
not your ultimate destination.


What Uniform Traffic Control Device type are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

07:41 pm - Testing

I don't know what to say! I'm just testing this out..LOL

11:02 am - Hmmm

I feel really weird right now. I had bad dreams this morning and that's why. I woke up like an hour and a half ago and didn't really know where I was. I had to sit there for like 5 minutes and gather myself. Considering I woke up at 7 am and couldn't go back to sleep for over an hour, and hour of sleep I did finally get was quite damaging. I have to start to get ready for school though. Sometimes I want to quit, but I know I shouldn't. I write again when I'm a little more composed.

Current Mood: weird

02:58 pm - Just a quick note

Hi all,

I've been on spring break for the last week, but unfortunately I have to go back to school on Monday.
(c:

On the other hand, I have 6 weeks of school left, and then one week of finals...That is, at most, 35 school days! Woohoo!

Here is a more recent picture of me and my puppy.


However, this was taken when she was about a month old. Now she is almost 4 months old...I can't believe how fast time flies!

The picture link in case you can't see it

Current Mood: bouncy

08:19 am - Hmmm

Well, it has been like two months since I wrote in my journal...I just don't know where all the time goes. Most of it was spent taking care of 7 puppies (and the mess that they make). But, all the puppies except Lucky are gone with their new owners. I wonder how they are doing? I guess that is the problem with giving them away to people you don't know.
My puppy is doing much better now. Last week when she turned 8 weeks old, I went to take her to the vet to get her shots started, and it turned out that she had parvovirus. In case you don't know what it is, it is a fatal virus that puppies and sometimes older dogs get that basically eats their intestinal lining so the dog dehydrates himself because it is too painful to eat or drink. Luckily I caught it within 12 hours, so after a few days on an IV, and shots, and another week on oral medication, she is back to being her lively, happy self.
My hamsters all escaped about a week ago too, but that was thanks to my cat Annie. One of them hid out under the fridge for a day, and while he was under there, he managed to chew completely through the power cord to the fridge. How that hamster survived I will never know....
I'm glad it finally snowed, but not enough to go sledding...)c: I've been waiting all winter to go sledding and it looks like I'm not going to get to go. I guess that's okay, because I'm ready for some warm weather.
I have some tests this week after only being in school for 3 weeks. I'm not too thrilled about it.
Well, that's about all for now. I would like to send my love and my best wishes out to a certain someone (you know who you are). (hugs)

Current Mood: good

06:29 pm - What A Long Night!

Okay, now that I've caught up on some sleep, I can write about my very exciting night on Friday. I could tell you a long, boring story, or I could tell you the short version...my brother's dog, M.K. had puppies! I was up from about 10:30 pm until 3:00 am delivering and cleaning up puppies. One of them was abandoned outside by her mother, and I had to save her. She couldn't breathe, so I brought her inside and cleaned her up and stuff. I named her Lucky, and my parents are letting me keep her. All the puppies and the momma are inside. Luckily M.K. had only had 3 puppies outside. But anyway, here are some pictures for you! I couldn't get them to load right on here, so you'll just have to click the link.
http://www.angelfire.com/me/fluffnstuff/pets.html


Well, that's all for now. I'm sure I'll have more puppy pictures l

Current Mood: excited

10:01 pm - What's Up With That?

So, I change the look of my journal and I don't even bother to write in that...man, I don't know what I'm thinking most of the time. I guess I'm just lazy, or something.
I'm on Thanksgiving break right now and am really, really enjoying it. I bought a new suit today and I think I look totally sexy in it. It's for the band banquet, but I can use it for jazz band, symphonic band, concert band, wind ensemble, and for other things too. It was pretty cheap also, which made me happy.
All I've been doing is eating junk food, watching movies, and sleeping. Well...that's not entirely true... Someone's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not sure what's going on. Life is like that though. Lots of roller coasters. I'm wondering what happened to my family. You see, I made homemade pumpkin pie yesterday, and nobody has touched it yet. They all love pumpkin pie, but nobody's tried it. They've all eaten the apple pie though and that came from a can. Oh well. I guess I'll have to eat it.
Oh, and wtf is up with the NCAA committee choosing a 3rd place team over a first place team for playoffs?! ISU is co-Big Sky Football Champions, and yet they didn't get a bid to the playoffs. I'm really irked about that. I don't know why I've been so into football lately.
I think I'm going to go play some games or something. Talk to ya'll later!

Current Mood: irritated

06:21 pm - *Sigh*

So, I guess I have this journal so I can write about stuff, but I think that the stuff that is on my mind, nobody would really want to read it anyway. So, that being said, I think that somebody would have to tell me that it is okay to write what is really on my mind. Otherwise I guess it will just stay in my head and swim around in my brains while I try to sleep at night. I guess it doesn't help matters that I'm tired a lot, and sick of going to school. I need to sleep and not have this 12+ hours at school. I'm leaving on a marching band trip Friday morning, and I was hoping to see someone before I left. Maybe I can if she is feeling better. I have class in 40 minutes, then a marching band leadership meeting, and then I get to eat dinner. This girl named Sheryl, who really didn't like me or Angela, is spending the night tonight because she lives in Idaho Falls and doesn't want to drive home. The big deal is that she doesn't like gay people and started a bunch of horrible rumors about Angela and I last year. I'm not sure why she even asked me to spend the night. I told her it was okay, but I do feel a little awkward. She has treated us much better this year, but still... Oh, and I'm bummed because Dr. Brooks told us that the wind ensemble would be going to Europe this summer...and like everything else in life, we're not going. There's not enough money in the budget, but he swears to god that we will go next summer...I guess that leaves me more time to save up for it.

Well, now that I'm done rambling, I guess I'll go. So, somebody out there really needs to post a response so I know what to do.

Current Mood: drained

06:23 pm - Where in the hell has my life gone?

So, it's been like two months or something... That's pretty normal for me. One day I was like, I still have over a month before school starts..cool. Now I've been in school for like a month. Where did all that time go? I guess it went to working, and band camp...and then school. My schedule sucks. I can't ever see anybody or do anything. I have to make sure I pass all my classes, blah, blah, blah. Thursday nights will be the golden nights. Maybe I can talk her into hanging out with me. We'll see.
Anyway, my baby hamsters are huge. I got them a month ago and now they're big fluff balls. They're so cute!
I'm rearranging my furniture for the winter because it is warmer in one room than in the other. I'm also suppose to be getting a bigger fridge, but we'll see they can get it in the door!
So, there's my life story, at least for now.

Current Mood: blank

11:12 am - Damn, it's been a long time!

I don't know where my life has gone. I think that getting a job was like the worst thing I could have done this summer. I started almost two months ago, and since that time, I have spent over 200 hours sitting at a desk doing practically nothing. That's 200+ hours I could have spent with someone else. School is going to be a break from work at this rate. Anyway, I start band camp in exactly one week, and I'll turn twenty in 8 days. I feel so old. I can't believe that I graduated high school over 2 years ago and I'm going to be a junior in college. If someone could have an "early-life" crisis, I think I'm going through one! All these people keep thinking that I'm a guy, and when I'm not trying to look like one, it's really upsetting. I don't know if it's people's lack of attention to detail or what. It never really happened before, but it's been happening a lot the last couple of weeks....at Remo's at the movies, in Burger King... It just makes me want to scream! So, basically, I don't know what to do/think about my life right now. My head is spinning just trying to think about doing every day things...let alone starting school again in exactly two weeks with a full 18 credit class load and working only god knows how many hours. Well, I'm done ranting and raving for now. I'll talk to y'all soon...if anybody out there even reads this...

Current Mood: busy

01:02 pm - Pounding Headache

Yuck...I have this massive headache right now. I think it is from not having lunch yet. I would have eaten sooner but I was at work all morning and all I ate for breakfast was a cup of coffee and two pieces of raisin nut bread. I'm eating one of these new Campbell's Soup At Hand things... It's not bad, but if you have something other than tomato, everything is blended up so it's drinkable. I'll be leaving shortly to get my driver's license and take my first drive as an official licensed driver (to the insurance company!) lol. I miss her so bad! I don't think that I'm going to be able to see her today after all...I have to go visit my elderly grandparents and my aunt this evening...Oh well. Life sucks most of the time.

Current Mood: melancholy